On Sixteen & Sainthood

[An entry from my journal, written the day after I turned sixteen; October 2012]

So yesterday I turned sixteen. I feel really strange; like I just crossed the threshold of this new era of my life. I’ve been thinking a lot about what my goals for myself are, and what I hope to become in my new era.

I originally said that I want to grow into being a lady, but I realize now that it’s more than that. I want to be a saint – like, really. You’re always hearing that we’re called to be saints, but it’s always seemed sort of abstract, and something you only sort of think about. But I want to live as a saint. Every day to get up, hit the floor, and live every single day in a way I can be satisfied with. Be a saint, every day. I want that, so desperately do I want that. I want to be that woman whose feet hit the floor in the morning and Satan says, “Oh, no, she’s up.”

At the same time, I do want to be a lady. I want to be classy, put-together, and   polite. I want to mature as the young woman God created me to be. I want to be a ladylike saint. I want to be classically holy. I want to fight evil for Christ, with a rosary in my hands, wearing high heels and red lipstick.

I long and strive for poise and holiness. My goal is to grow in my relationship with God: to pray more, to have a dialogue with him. I want to become graceful: a mature, capable young woman with elegance and poise.

It sounds like an impossible but dream, but I know – I can feel it in my bones, in this longing I have always had – that this is who I am supposed to be. I have always wanted to be this woman: now is the time for me to become her.

Some news on the homefront for you all:

1) Fulton is off the ventilator! They’ve weaned him from the sedatives so it’s just morphine and an anti-anxiety drug now. That means he’s awake, is uncomfortable and is more aware of what is going on. This is such good news, thank you for your continued prayers.

2) I’m getting a new cello teacher in May or June, and I’m so nervous about it that my hands are sweating as I type this. I already work my butt off at this instrument and I’m only going to have to work harder with my new teacher – I just hope I can live up to expectations and do my absolute best. I kind of have to. I really have to.

3) I’m exhausted. Not sure how this is news, but… there.

4) Also I’m reading Les Misérables, and… I really like it. Really like it – I didn’t think I would, I thought it’d be impossible, but I’m finding it super enjoyable.

Have a lovely Sunday evening! I plan to spend mine with my journal and some classical music (as if I haven’t had enough of that).

Best wishes and much love,

In which Saint Anthony and SAINT Kateri Tekawitha I mean seriously how awesome is this.

First of all, salutations from not-the-ether! I am still alive and kicking. (Unless my life is just one big long hallucination and I’m not actually here at all. Let’s hope not.)

Just popping by because I am completely overwhelmed by saint awesomeness and feel the need to share.

First of all, Saint Anthony rocks my world, and it’s just amazing. I’ve been looking for my rosary (my beautiful, gorgeous rosary – I love it so much) since I got home from art camp back in August… I was starting to think I’d left it there. I finally go, “Ugh, Saint Anthony!” and say the prayer and, I’m not kidding, two minutes later, I remembered that I’d taken a different purse to camp, and after digging through it, I stumbled across a secret pocket where I must have tucked the rosary before I left my dorm at camp.

Seriously. Saint Anthony. He’s almost too awesome.

Yes, I am writing a whole blog post because I found my rosary. It’s basically my favorite possession. My – oh, let’s call her my proxy Godmother, to steal a Tanith phrase – gave it to me for my confirmation and it’s the most beautiful thing ever. Look at it!

The cross is the trinity – Father, Son, and Spirit. Can you see it? The dove is underneath God’s chin.

Random picture spam:

And for those wondering: no, I’m not using my mom’s camera for these pictures, nor did my camera magically come back to life – I got a new one! (Birthday gift. 🙂 ) It’s a Nikon Coolpix L810 and I love it. It’s really nice – loads better than Antigone (as I am calling my old one) and I have a three year warranty, just in case. 😉

Before I go and get back to my Algebra, I wanted to mention that on Sunday, seven new saints were canonized – three of whom were American saints! Most notably, Blessed Kateri Tekawitha is now a saint! It’s awesome! I love her so much.

To celebrate her canonization, I’m going to do a novena to her, so if any of you Catholics out there want to join me, here:

(Click for source.)

Novena to St. Kateri Tekawitha 

Kateri, favored child, Flower of the Algonquins and Lily of the Mohawks, We come to seek your intercession in our present need: (mention it here).

We admire the virtures which adorned your soul: love of God and neighbor, humility, obedience, patience, purity and the spirit of sacrifice. Help us to imitate your example in our life. Through the goodness and mercy of God, Who has blessed you with so many graces which led you to the true faith and to a high degree of holiness, pray to God for us and help us.

Obtain for us a very fervent devotion to the Holy Eucharist so that we may love Holy Mass as you did and receive Holy Communion as often as we can. Teach us also to be devoted to our crucified Savior as you were, that we may cheerfully bear our daily crosses for love of Him Who suffered so much for love of us. Most of all we beg you to pray that we may avoid sin, lead a holy life and save our souls. Amen.

In thanksgiving to God for the graces bestowed upon Kateri: one Our Father, Hail Mary and three Glory Be’s. Kateri, Flower of the Algonquins and Lily of the Mohawks, pray for us.


(From Fr. Lovasik’s book: Kateri of the Mohawks.)

Gosh, I want to be a saint so badly. It’s something I used to have a huge disconnect with, like it’s super far off and (I quote) “how can I be a saint while I’m folding laundry?” (The devil puts feeble excuses in your minds, be warned.) But it’s kind of my new mission: sainthood! Mission Almost-Impossible. 😛

Anyway, that’s all for me today! Have a blessed day!


P.S. My 100th post is coming up soon! Any ideas on what I should do for it?