On Sixteen & Sainthood

[An entry from my journal, written the day after I turned sixteen; October 2012]

So yesterday I turned sixteen. I feel really strange; like I just crossed the threshold of this new era of my life. I’ve been thinking a lot about what my goals for myself are, and what I hope to become in my new era.

I originally said that I want to grow into being a lady, but I realize now that it’s more than that. I want to be a saint – like, really. You’re always hearing that we’re called to be saints, but it’s always seemed sort of abstract, and something you only sort of think about. But I want to live as a saint. Every day to get up, hit the floor, and live every single day in a way I can be satisfied with. Be a saint, every day. I want that, so desperately do I want that. I want to be that woman whose feet hit the floor in the morning and Satan says, “Oh, no, she’s up.”

At the same time, I do want to be a lady. I want to be classy, put-together, and   polite. I want to mature as the young woman God created me to be. I want to be a ladylike saint. I want to be classically holy. I want to fight evil for Christ, with a rosary in my hands, wearing high heels and red lipstick.

I long and strive for poise and holiness. My goal is to grow in my relationship with God: to pray more, to have a dialogue with him. I want to become graceful: a mature, capable young woman with elegance and poise.

It sounds like an impossible but dream, but I know – I can feel it in my bones, in this longing I have always had – that this is who I am supposed to be. I have always wanted to be this woman: now is the time for me to become her.

Some news on the homefront for you all:

1) Fulton is off the ventilator! They’ve weaned him from the sedatives so it’s just morphine and an anti-anxiety drug now. That means he’s awake, is uncomfortable and is more aware of what is going on. This is such good news, thank you for your continued prayers.

2) I’m getting a new cello teacher in May or June, and I’m so nervous about it that my hands are sweating as I type this. I already work my butt off at this instrument and I’m only going to have to work harder with my new teacher – I just hope I can live up to expectations and do my absolute best. I kind of have to. I really have to.

3) I’m exhausted. Not sure how this is news, but… there.

4) Also I’m reading Les Misérables, and… I really like it. Really like it – I didn’t think I would, I thought it’d be impossible, but I’m finding it super enjoyable.

Have a lovely Sunday evening! I plan to spend mine with my journal and some classical music (as if I haven’t had enough of that).

Best wishes and much love,


December Report Card

Before I do anything I, as always, have some orders of business to attend to.

1. Thank you all for your prayers for Fulton. We have had lots of good news – his sisters are keeping us updated: they aren’t going to have to amputate his hands, and his eyes are undamaged. They’re taking the breathing tube out today and he might be walking soon. Praise God! Still, he’s going to be in the hospital for six months for treatment, so continued prayers are so, so appreciated.

There’s a fundraiser going to help cover some of the costs of the treatment as well as travel to and from the hospital, and other needs of the family. Do not feel at all obligated to donate, but if you can and would like to, it would mean the world. Everything helps.

2. On a slightly less serious note, the 78th episode of the Lizzie Bennet Diaries came out and it is a doozy… I’ve watched it eight times. It’s amazing. If you’re caught up in the series and haven’t watched it, GO WATCH IT.

3. New blog theme. Opinions? The sidebar still exists, but only on pages that aren’t the homepage, for some reason. 


December Resolutions

So, my report card. For once I did well! …ish.

Resolution #1: Finish most of my Christmas gifts on time.
Grade: A!

I managed to get all my Christmas gifts finished (with the exception of my dad’s and Essie’s, who gave me permission to be late) and given to the people they belonged to on time! 🙂 I’ll try and get photos of them and post them soon.

Resolution #2: Be a little more organized.
Grade: B-

I did okay on this, towards the end of the month – I went on a silent retreat that really snapped me back into gear. Unfortunately, that was only two weeks out of December, so I can’t grade myself any more highly than that.

Resolution #3: Work on SAT math.
Grade: B

I did, but not with as much diligence as I should have. (Also, I’m dodging it right now to write this so… Heh.)

Resolution #4: Remember the whole point of Christmas.
Grade: A+

Midnight Mass did this for me. Just gorgeous.

Seeing as January is already halfway over (I can’t believe it – gah), I won’t set any resolutions this month, besides my New Year’s Resolution. 😛 

As always, resolutions come from She Learns as She Goes.

Expect a post on Sunday – I’m off to color some pictures for my mom. Important business here at my house.



Please Excuse the Fiddling & an Urgent Prayer Request


I’m working on my blog layout today, and thanks to school & having a bazillion other things to do, I have to keep running off and I’m not able to sit and work on it attentively — which means the blog may look weird until I’m able to get it finished (hopefully tonight, maybe tomorrow). Please excuse the constant fiddling and migraine-ness of the random changes… The theme I have up right now is an interim theme and won’t be here for much longer.

Secondly, one of my closest friend’s boyfriend’s little brother, Fulton, is in the hospital after a gas can exploded while he was out with his dad. He has severe burns and it’s very very scary for their whole family (and all of us who know them). Please please please remember him in your prayers, he needs them very much.

Thanks & much love,