In Which Hero Refreezes/Retrieves Her Frozen Sock Multiple Times

I should be studying for a Latin test instead of writing this. Well, add it to the list on unproductive things I’ve done instead of school today. (It’s 6 PM and I still haven’t finished. It’s a long list.)

I’m feeling better today than I did yesterday. I started my day out right, with the Mass readings for today, some journalling, and a little bit of prayer. Mom made me an iced coffee that I drank without a straw, and I iced my face. (That’s what the frozen sock is for.)

I wrote a letter to my friend Sarah where I talked about being freaked out about college and life in general, then thought about it for a second and realized how stupid I was being and how I just needed to remember that God has all this planned out already and I just need to trust him and tattoo Jesus, I trust in You all over my greasy forehead or something because I keep forgetting.

*is a psycho mess* *pretends not to be*

I haven’t practiced my cello since before my surgery on Tuesday. I am a terrible person. BUT MY FACE HURTS. SOMEHOW THAT’S A VALID EXCUSE.

Lemme go get my frozen sock.

I am now typing one-handed-ly, because I have to hold my makeshift icepack/wet-sock-in-a-ziploc up to my cheek and that requires the use of one of my hands.

Hm. I only need one hand to study my Latin…

My productive, sensible side wins out (for now). I shall return.

6:51 PM

I’m back. I may have gotten a 98 on that Latin quiz depending on whether or not I flubbed the translations. (My teacher has to grade it still.)

Let the record show that the frozen sock is back in the freezer because it melted while I was studying.

I am making soup because I have had mashed potatoes for dinner for the past four days and I am sick of them.

This is really difficult soup, so I’ll give step by step instructions.

Step One: Open can. (Adult supervision recommended; not required.)

Step Two: Pour soup into microwavable container.

Really get it all in there.

Step Three: Put microwavable container full of soup into microwave.

Step Four: Set cooking time to 3 minutes and 30 seconds.

Step Five: Very carefully eat a brownie while you wait, ensuring that you a) don’t give yourself a dry socket, b) don’t open your mouth more than is non-painful (about a centimeter), and c) obscure the majority of your face with your hand so that internet stalkers can’t discover your true identity along with the added bonus of hiding your chipmunk cheeks from the world in shame.

Step Six: Allow the microwave to beep while you upload photos and tell yourself that you’re letting the soup cool instead of being lazy.

 

(I UNDERSTAND THAT YOU ARE READY.)

Step Seven: Get sick of the microwave shouting at you and go remove the soup.

Step Eight: Wield the ladle of destiny.

Step Nine: Add more cheese than is socially acceptable.

Step Ten: Stir like an idiot.

Step Eleven: Realize it’s still too hot despite leaving it in the microwave for ages and finish your blog post.

Step Twelve: Retrieve frozen sock from freezer and plop annoyedly on your face.

Okay, well, that’s it for me. I’m going to go eat my too-hot soup in front of the TV whilst complaining to my friends over Skype like the grumbly old man I secretly am. Thanks for reading. Have a nice night.

~Hero

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3 comments on “In Which Hero Refreezes/Retrieves Her Frozen Sock Multiple Times

  1. Kira says:

    Haha. Haha. Ladle of destiny.

  2. Julia Byers says:

    Ladle of Destiny just cracked me up. I LYK YO’ CHIPMUNK CHEEKS.

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